PTSD

Morning flashback

I was blessed and cursed with the long term memory of an elephant and the short term of a goldfish. At times, I’ll find myself so frustrated because I misplace my phone and I’ll be on the damned thing. I may get appointments mixed up and forget names, but by golly I can tell you what my cake looked like on my third birthday. It had Big Bird on it with a yellow border and a white background, in case you were wondering.

This morning I find myself running on maybe three solid hours of sleep. My mind went back to when I found out who took the picture of me. The piece of shit standing at attention in my chief’s office, and all I could say was, “It was you?!”

I try to take control of the flashbacks by changing my reactions. This morning I envisioned myself smashing the son of a bitch in the back of the head with a paper weight and giving him a solid knee to the groin. Instead, I remembered how he casually said he was drunk, but was able to recall everything that had happened. I can’t remember anything after leaving the table to use the restroom that day. 

The rage took over me as I began to try to look him up. 

I’m going to make him pay. I’ll go fuck up his car, or…wait. 

I couldn’t remember his name! This was a victory for several reasons. Next thing I know, the birds start singing and the sun comes up. By the time his name popped into my mind, I’d realized I had wasted entirely too much time and energy trying to remember it in the first place. 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s