PTSD, Suicide awareness and prevention

Guided Meditation…

Yesterday my therapy appointment was a bit of a shit show. I spent most of the 45 minute time slot filling out paperwork so they can update their new system. 

When I finally got to sit down and talk to my therapist,  she asked how I was feeling. “So so.” She then asked if I was having thoughts of harming myself. The thoughts are always there. I said yes, but they weren’t strong enough to make me act on them. I told her the biggest problem at the forefront of my mind is my marriage, and how I’m struggling with insecurity and trust.

“What would your husband have to do for you to trust him again?”

I didn’t know how to answer this. I said he’d have to be consistently open, honest,  and respectful. How long it would take before I could feel safe and trust him is beyond me, though. 

“What happened after all of the rough patches that made you feel safe and secure?”

I told him about what his dad did to me,  and I don’t know what clicked in his mind,  but he started being the husband I needed all along. I told her about the time he threw my initial trauma in my face and blamed me for it.

“So he wasn’t loving and supportive of you when you told him about your first trauma,  but when you told him about what his dad did to you,  he was?”

Yes. 

We were almost out of time, and she told me to look up guided meditation on YouTube and practice it. 

I left the session feeling worse because her questions only added to my questions,  and the only answer was a fucking YouTube video. 

 I feel like therapy is pointless, but then again I’m feeling like everything I do is pointless. I need to swim back to the surface and find meaning in my life again. 

Has anyone tried guided meditation? If so, did you find it helpful? 

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Guided Meditation…”

  1. Whatever you’re paying your “therapist”, it’s TOO MUCH! I’ve ‘tried’ so-called ‘Guided Meditation’ and found it as useful as I was prepared to allow it to be. In my experience, meditation is a full-immersion process. No noise except for a gentle chant or perhaps whale calls, the sounds of the sea at a beach, very soft (not crescendo!) classical or Indian music. Ravi Shanker and Yehudi Menuhin are personal favourites of mine. Then, emptying of the mind, sector by sector until there is nothing but the background and you floating above it. I found the use of a flotation chamber especially beneficial. Besides being bipolar (type 1) I also live with PTSD as the result of my time in the Angolan Bush War of the 70s and 80s so I’m well and truly fucked up. I can empathise with your feelings of frustration and even anger. Good luck, and find another therapist or find a Trauma Counselor. I wish you well, P.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your advice. I agree that she is overpaid if the only advice she can give is to look it up on YouTube. Lol. I’m sorry for your experiences, but it is nice to know that we aren’t alone in our sufferings. ☺

      I will give the meditation a try, as I’m willing to try anything at this point, but finding complete silence will be a challenge with the kids and dogs. Lol

      Liked by 1 person

      1. “Go placidly amongst the noise & the haste & remember what Peace there may be in Silence. . . . . ” the opening line of “The Desiderata” author unknown. I keep a copy of it on my study wall where I can see it at all times. Just to remind me . . . Good luck

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow. Thanks a lot for sharing your story! I have been doing guided meditation for a few months now and it helped me a lot. I found some awesome meditaions on youtube. I do them in the mornin or at night before sleep. I found it does not have to always be long meditations. I tried 3 minutes in the beginning and it helped so much! I collected the 30 pieces I liked the most here: https://www.panaprium.com/youtube-guided-meditation/ What do you think? Does it help you?

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s